An introspective into finding yourself.. but it's not my idea, I borrowed it.
A passage from Slate who took it from someone else... about finding oneself.
"In order to become whole we must try, in a long process, to discover our own personal truth, a truth that may cause pain before giving us a new sphere of freedom. If we choose instead to content ourselves with intellectual "wisdom," we will remain in the sphere of illusion and self-deception. … The damage done to us during childhood cannot be undone, since we cannot change anything in our past. We can, however, change ourselves. We can repair ourselves and gain lost integrity by choosing to look more closely at the knowledge that is stored inside our bodies and bringing that knowledge closer to our awareness."
by Alice Miller from The Drama of the Gifted Child and the Search for the True Self
The interesting thing I will add and is perhaps somewhat random.... what my concern is for raising children is... while I realize I will probably screw my own children up pretty effectively all by myself, I worry more about how other children are going to screw up my child. Because those types of abuse is more internalized and accepted as part of growing up. But.. the repercussions of those moments has far reaching effects... some people never realize it though because it is that internalized and accepted most of the time.
What money can do for... just about anyone... or anything for that matter.
The horse racing world is a a-twitter over the fracturing of Barbaro's right rear leg which currently looks a little more like a piece of wood some children practiced hammering on instead of a surgical plate and screws.
Which makes me wonder.
What about the other horses in the world whose owners aren't multimillionares? Are their survival chances less than 50-50 simply because their owners cannot afford to hire doctors like Dr. Dean Richardson of University of Pennsylvania? Because there certainly isn't widely available medical insurance for what would otherwise be categorized as farm animals.
Sure your average horse might not earn you millions of dollars by winning a race - but does that mean they are any less loved by their economically challenged owners? Is it fair the less fortunate horses may be automatically put to rest while Barbaro is carefully cared for complete with a swimming pool for physical therapy?
While survival of the fittest may have once been dependent on genetic strength, nowadays, survival seems to be more dependent on the size of one's bank account. And this now seems to extend to horses as well.
Whether legally or not, here are some observations I have made of the wonders that money can buy you:
- People who need organs can now buy them on the black market.
- People who want babies can now buy them or pay someone else to birth them for you.
- If your faith in modern medicine is great, you can pay for your full body or just your head to be frozen so that someday, they can resuscitate you.
- Don't like the body you have? Thanks to the marvel of plastic surgery your boobs butt and abs can be enhanced or made the way you've alwalys dreamed of.
- If you a kidnapped (real or fake), it helps if you are attractive, female, white... and your parents are rich.
- The same works for horses who are injured.
I will say this though. If you've got it, you're entitled to using it. It is your money after all. I am hardly in a place to judge. Anyone who resents that fact is either a Democrat, Communist or just a hater.
Enough is enough already.....
I am a huge fan of celebrity gossip. I have a subscription to Us Magazine, I read all the gossip columns online to keep up with what's going on in their lives... not so much because I really believe any of what is reported, but because, it's a form of entertainment for me. Like fantasy baseball is for some men right now. I don't understand their fascination with it, some days I don't really understand my fascination with celebrity gossip... but nontheless for some reason... I really enjoy it.
Is it because I take pleasure in seeing their mistakes or falacies or the difficulties they experience? Not really. Quite frankly when I ask myself seriously about the value added to my life in having read yet anoter piece of smut... I am ashamed of myself for supporting an industry that invades other people's privacy. I wouldn't want people watching my every move or judging me for some superficial thing.
And yet this habit is like my guilty pleasure. I'm not sure why I do it. But I can't seem to resist reading more and more and more.
That having been said. We all have our foibles. Every person, no matter how successful or attractive they may seem, has a weakness. It's part of human nature. The other part of human nature - is to make mistakes or unfollowed through actions.
People are up in arms over Britney Spears's parenting skills. But come on. What parent doesn't feel uncomfortable or unsure about raising their child right without having the world scrutinize them for every single movement you do or do not make? Hell if I knew everyone was watching me like that, I can guarantee I'd probably leave my child outside hanging by a toe or something or make some heinous mistake that would make me feel like I was a totally unfit mother - when I wasn't any different from anyone else who is a first time mother.
The fact of the matter is, in a normal person's life, they might think people will judge them for not being the best mom, but no one knows their mistakes. Whereas Britney... that sort of fear is actually a realistic one.
Honestly, if I were her, I'd probably pull a Michael Jackson and divorce my ner do well husband and whisk my babies off to some other country to live quietly outside of the media and public scrutiny. Just live a nice normal quiet life for a time. Do some song writing and continue to hone my skills. But for the sake of normalcy for my kids, and for the chance to make the parenting mistakes in privacy, I would do it. If Sean is really her religion now. I think that's the best move she could make for herself and her children. It's no one else's business.
But then again. If the only life you know is being in the public eye. And you love it as much as she does. Well. I guess that just isn't going to happen.
I myself will continue to wrestle with my habit of reading gossip columns and my fascination with celebrities for reasons I still don't really understand.
"You're not fully dressed without a smile....."
I came across
this article while munching on M&Ms. Perhaps this is why English people are notorious for having horrible teeth?
I know someone who dated this guy who lacked oral hygiene for several years. I mean this man had disturbingly bad breath and his teeth were totally yellow. Not a bad person. Just for some reason he didn't care for his teeth.
I hardly have a fantastic smile myself. I have these fangs going on all vampire like. I wish I could say my children have hopes of having superstar like teeth, but my E also has the same type of teeth as I do. So our children will be vampires also probably. The good news is, we will probably save on braces as neither of us has required them because our teeth are pretty straight naturally.
But there are days where I wish I had nice rounded incisors like all the famous people do.
It's alllllmost the end of the week.
As I being this entry, I have one hour and twenty five minutes to go before the end of my work week. Not that I don't have plenty of things to do, but I am feeling slightly unmotivated and a little headachy right now.
I am eagerly anticipating my camping trip this weekend. It will be my first time sleeping outside in a tent in my sleeping bag. I wonder if I should bring a pillow?
Anyhoo. I am just going to finish my work day. I wonder why I am so tired though. I feel like I could pass out right now.
Blunders and Nonsense
So last night I intended to tape Alias and Lost because I had plans to be out. However when I settled in after coming home to watch Alias, I found that I had taped Telemundo for two hours instead of ABC.
.................................................... AAAAGGGGH!!!
Anyhoo fortunately there are great recap sites like
Television Without Pity on which I spend a great deal of time keep track of shows I no longer have an intrest in watching but still am curious to see where the storyline is going.
I did manage to catch Lost yesterday though. I find it funny that they killed off Ana Lucia and Libby. I mean, they are the two women who kind of got arrested for drunk driving the first few months they got onto the show. Makes me wonder, if they hadn't blundered, would they have died? I do however feel really bad for Hurley. He's a cool dude. Poor guy's going to think he's doomed forever or something. Quite frankly, I think of everyone, he is my favorite.
On another note...
Before we left for dinner yesterday, I was watching Access Hollywood and I noticed that now that Katie is no longer pregnant, Tom is again dragging her everywhere with him for the MI3 rounds. This puzzles me because... I'd think if I were a new Mom, the last thing I'd want to do is traipse around the country. I'd rather be at home with my baby enjoying the first tender moments of her life and bonding with her.
Tom. You continue to exercise poor judgement.
Katie. Love is love and all but Tom is a big boy. Your baby needs you.
Then again I am not a multimillionaire who can afford to hire people who would probably take better care of my children than I am capable of. But I don't know. I am so puzzled by people who don't mind raising their children via nanny. I think no matter how high up the ladder I got, I would want to savor every moment with my baby.
I don't have babies yet though. But if I do and I change my mind, I'll let you know.
Oops she did it again...
It's official Brister has been impregnated with yet another spawn of Federline.
I really think that if he could impregnate every woman on the planet he will feel his dreams were fulfilled.
Despite the fact the she has more money than I'll ever have in my life - I feel bad for her.
But come on. The man birthed two children with another woman and left her while she was pregnant with his second?
You'd better hope he meets another woman with more money who doesn't care about his habits - because he knows better than to let go of his meal ticket with Britney.
Wednesday night is ABC night.
Last night I watched Alias and Lost.
Alias was... sad. And actually semi predictable. But it was still good. But I don't know that I liked it. I felt really disappointed honestly. And confused.
I didn't really pay that much attention to Lost quite frankly because it was Ana Lucia centric and although I sympathized with her character a little for the whole being shot deal... I didn't like her much. So I didn't pay attention and was out of the room most of the time. But boy am I glad I paid attention to the last fifteen minutes!
Today, I read that Commander in Chief has been shelved for May and will air in June but not likely return next season.
There is something interesting about the television viewing public. I can't put my finger on it. Why is it that a show like Ghost Whisperer would be so wildly successful and a show about a female president who cleverly outwits her opponents not be so interesting to people?
Is it because that most Americans have a problem with watching a woman who is truly strong and successful with little to no flaws? I don't know. I just don't get why the show wasn't more popular. I found it inspiring and very interesting. But perhaps she was too perfect - and everyone men and women alike - seem to have problems with people who are perfect.
I remember in junior high my friends plotted together to do something to embarass me. They created a fake secret admirer who would leave me notes during lunch and I would read this notes, feeling flattered but a little disturbed and confused. This went on for.. probably just a couple of weeks... when one of my friends feeling guilty fessed up that they had been out to embarass me because they were jealous that I was so smart and good at school. And these were my good friends who did it to me. Not some strangers.
I remember feeling so disillusioned and broken hearted that they did that to me. I believe they all apologized to me. But I never trusted any of them again. I forgot about that instant. But I remembered it with clarity around my 10 year reunion. It was one of the reasons why I decided not to go.
From that experience I learned that being female and smart although good for you, would attract jealousy and envy from others. And I think unfortunately, that experience taught me to reign myself in. To want to avoid the spotlight and stay in the shadows.
I think for reasons like that - a show like Commander in Chief is not more popular. Only women who are strong would appreciate a show like that. But I think society has shown that most American women cannot handle seeing a woman who has it all be capable of keeping it all.
Rules of the Road
This morning as I was turning to leave the parking lot, broken hearted that Starbucks had too many people in line for me to grab a grande white mocha before work (heh that's an exaggeration, really), I waited for an incoming car to pull in to the lot before making my turn becuase they had right of way.
However the other driver, perhaps trying to be kind, waved me forward. I sat looking at him like he was insane and should just go, but it became evident that he had no intention of moving until I made my turn.
I cursed under my breath and waved politely without looking at him and made my turn.
While some of you might think that driver was nice, I am here to tell you that those acts of consideration are completely unnecessary and part of why there are so many car accidents in the country - especially in the DC metro area.
1. Most drivers in MD/DC/VA are selfish, greedy and completely inconsiderate.They will cut you off if they want to make a turn, and the MUST be ahead of everyone even if it means that they have just caused the four cars they just cut off to rear end each other or if it would have made more sense for them to have slowed down a little and just waited to get behind everyone... no... they MUST speed past you and cut you off instead.
Because you are the one who must compensate for their idiocy and incompetence as a driver. 2. People who drive luxury vehicles drive as though they are especially entitled. It's the same as people who went to ivy league schools who behave as though because the result of their going to that school probably does give them more opportunities, that automatically equates to their being better than those who did not. You spent 40,000 a year on your education as opposed to my 8,000 and that makes you better. Along those lines - people who have spent 80,000 as opposed to my 20,000 on a car must be allowed to drive any old way they want to on the road because they spent more. Nevermind it's a personal life choice that should have nothing to do with the better or worseness of a person... but evidently again, I must pay in emotional stress for someone else's choice of lifestyle.
3. People who drive hoop-de cars drive like they just don't care. Why would they? Heh. They have nothing, what's the other party going to do, sue them for the value of their $2000 car if they get in an accident?
4. People who drive real motorcycles probably drive the best on the road. And I'm not talking those little Japanese rice rockets on which they go speeding at 80+ mph down the highway on a sunny day. I'm talking about people who drive Harleys and other Harley like cycles (sorry I'm not versed on these types of transportation at all). I really enjoy watching these people ride their hogs. They are considerate and careful drivers. If only everyone else behaved that way.
5. Please do not wave me on because you think that your being nice supercedes traffic rules. For people who have right of way and stop in the middle of road to let me by or men who look at me and smile and wave me on when they have no reason to have stopped and had plenty of room to make their turn without me having to go first.... your consideration is unncessary and more than likely going to just cause an accident or piss me off. Actually probably both. I may be an Asian woman who drives a Camry but that does not mean that I am some scatterbrained driver who is going to weave my way into your car unless you stop to let me by. All you do is piss me off because yet another person does not understand how to drive their vehicle.
I realize that no one observes traffic rules anymore. People don't stop at stop signs. They run the red light because it's more of a suggestion than an actual rule. And why people who drive manage to enrage me in a way that nothing else does... it makes no difference to the honda civic that just cut me off and is about to hit three cars... it just gives me higher blood pressure.
I suppose ultimately the lesson I need to learn here is that I have to stop giving other drivers so much credit. I trust that everyone has common sense and want to follow the rules of the road. Instead, as E has stated about his goal as a driver - I myself need to buy one of those luxury 80,000 cars with an engine and a suspension that will allow me to speed and weave my way around and away from all the imbeciles on the road.
I just hope that a the police officer will accept my explanation that the reason why I was speeding was to get away from all the insane drivers behind me.
Tom and Katie sittin in a tree...
Recent reports have stated that Tom Cruise is eager for Katie to "get into shape" for their impending nuptuals - going so far as to have hired trainers for her to help her lose the baby fat.
Quite frankly, I'm pretty appaled by the entire idea.
But this just supports my cousin's contention that Katie is nothing more than Tom's little Stepford wife.
It's really sad. I really hope that how it looks is not actually how it is. I liked Katie Holmes better with Chris Klein. But clearly her judgement may be questionable.
Love is blind... or like being addicted to a drug. I think it's true in this case.
Susnot as a "Gawker" in NYC
This weekend was spent with my cousins in NYC for mutiple reasons:
1. To celebrate my
cousin's bachelorette party.
2. To see my niece and nephew.
3. To purchase some faux expensive purses in Chinatown.
What I actually accomplished:
1. I took the subway all by myself to my cousin's apartment. (No New Yorker would be impressed by that, but I was with myself - that system is like a maze!)
2. I had some Vietnamese sandwiches - probably the best sandwich in the world.
3. I bought four purses! (prada, gucci and burberry) and two wallets (prada) for the bargain price of...... 120! Heh. Of course they are faux. But they are lovely.
4. I saw the FFVII movie.
5. Attended my cousin's bachelorette festivities.
6. Waited in line for four hours for the NFL draft wristbands (a once in a lifetime experience I hope to not go through again, although it was very interesting).
7. Saw our cutie patootie niece and nephew who I just completely adore!
8. Had lunch at Jean George's and saw Laurence Fishburne, Gina Torres, and I believe and am 90% sure... Vera Wang. All looked very nice in person. Gina Torres... is gorgeous in person and Laurence Fishburne is so tall and better looking in person also.
